Addicted

the light that shone when your eyes were locked into mine became an addiction.
my addiction.
i tried to pull away, but soon after,
i realized there could never be a light like yours.

i have been very happy lately.
but its wearing off.
i have everything i need right now.
i do.
but i feel somewhat empty?
even though im filled to my capacity.
but i will forget,
and i will try to enjoy whats left,
because enough people love me,
and ive gotta say,
i love them back too<3 [=

now ever since then,
they have all been wondering ...
asking questions?
should i answer truthfully?
no.
wait why?
i cant understand what keeps me from answering.
maybe im scared.
i think so.
so why do i care again?
i dont know.
so many things i cannot answer.
but they can find out on their own.
yea, they can.
id rather bathe in the light of my confusion,
and sort it out all on my own.
i love them all, but not enough to explain.

see? i think hes funny.
because hes lying.
because i know it.
and he knows i do.
so why doesnt he stop?
i think he believes it makes me happy.
because i smile.
but i only smile because
im glad im not that stupid.
yea, i think hes prettyfuckinghilarious.

i swear the pain in your eyes
speaks to me
it tells me everything
that you are just like me.

its okay,
i feel it too.
i swear we all do.

its the pain in your eyes,
that slaps me in the face,
whispering to me,
reminding me of my mistakes.

but its ok,
i swear its true,
because the pain in your eyes
that makes up you

hold your breath
dive into the water
surrender
sink
fall
open your mouth
let the water seep into your veins
let the sea rule you
let it creep into your depths and retreive your soul
stop fighting back
give up
and drown.

ask me questions i cannot answer.
give me tasks i cant complete.
show me things i cannot see.
make me inhale when i cannot breathe.

try and make me into what you want to see me be,
something i cannot do, because i can only be me

I'm just , im just ,
fading fading,
baby its not too far from me,
dissapearing dissapearing,
into something they call nothing.

because im blending, blending,
right into my surroundings,
being hidden by all thats around me,
hidden hidden,
till you see nothing.

Im just gone, Im just gone,
i am nothing nothing,
i have gone i have gone,
to become nothing, to become nothing.

Crying Inside.
Is this what it feels like when your dying inside?
Tears bleeding stains into my soul,
the fire of the sadness burning the last flames of the cold.

Day in and day out,
is this what happens when your heart gives out?
Beats fading into a meer nothing,
struggling to breathe, to hold onto something.

I cannot love anymore,
is this how it feels to not live up anymore?
Because I am giving, giving up
losing hope, this is enough.

Burning like fire within yourself,
Is this how it feels to be saving yourself?
because I am straining straining,
to be living living,
to be breathing breathing,
to be loving,
to be loving,
to be loving you.

poetry with edwin

I want to spend eternity locked into your gaze,
Spend forever with my heart ablaze,
burning the words I Love You into my skin,
these words never fading, never once giving in,
but repeating themselves over and over again

Poetry with edwin

If only you could see,
How much you mean to me,
Because being with you,
Is like falling into the greatest dream.